Why I will feel like shit when I wake up.
Dear Smoke Detectors, Beeping at me repeatedly at 4AM on a Saturday to say that your battery has nearly run out and needs replacing is not the best way of getting in my good books. Especially if you’re a model of smoke detector where you can’t just change the battery, you have to change the entire fucking unit because the assclown that designed it thought that forced obsolescence is a good...
Erwin Schrödinger is driving down the road when he gets pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up to the window and says, “Sir, I’d like you to open your trunk for me.” The cop goes to the trunk then returns. “Sir, did you know you have a dead hooker in your trunk?” Schrödinger says, “Well, I do now!”
Two IT guys were talking in a bar after work
Roy: So I met this gorgeous blonde in the pub the other night. Moss: [excited] What did you do, Roy? Roy: Well, I invited her over to my flat, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off! [cheesy smile] Moss: You’re kidding me! Roy: Noooooope. I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her up and put her on my desk, next to my...
The past is just a fading memory, the future just an ever-changing mess of...– Me